it is harder than i thought. and of course i m weaker than i thought. 

previously was health problem. to me, it was something small and didnt affect me much until they asked me to go for operation. it is really a waste of time and once again i regretted going to ntu clinic because it is so far away. and i need to go back for appointment. 

and then, more work pilling up. and i hate the fact that i've to face those competitive people in my class. it makes me feel even worse but then i know i cant escape. i keep telling myself, 1.5years more. no matter what i've to stay strong and 'fight' against my fear. 

just 1.5 years, and i thought my dream is going to come true. until something really bad happened. it destructed my plan. terminal damage that i thought i can handle well. i remember telling everyone about my plan, how much i m looking forward to it. i m waiting for that day to come, but i dont think it will happen anymore. 

tuesday was the worst day. 3 of us hugged each other, cried our hearts out. it was the first time i m speaking the truth about how i feel about this incident. 

still... i am not sure of how to face it... 

she is so much stronger than me. i dont know how real it is. but it hurts to think about her...